


Well I Never!

by shadowsamurai



Category: Waking the Dead (TV)
Genre: Crack, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-01
Updated: 2012-07-01
Packaged: 2017-11-08 23:14:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/448628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shadowsamurai/pseuds/shadowsamurai
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Grace sees something she never thought she would, but is very glad she did!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Well I Never!

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the film Priscilla (full title for those of you who don't know (shame on you!) is The Adventures of Priscilla: Queen of the Desert) - the idea just popped into my head while I was watching it. Most definitely not to be taken seriously!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, I'm just borrowing things for a while and I promise I'll put everything back exactly how I found it when I've finished. Well, almost exactly how I found it. ;)

WtD-WtD-WtD-WtD-WtD-WtD

Grace approached the Cold Case offices carefully. She knew if she was caught, she would never hear the end of it. Boyd had made it quite clear that since Grace was taking a holiday, if she was seen within fifty feet of the building she'd receive a caution; if she was caught *inside* it, he'd arrest her.

The rest of the team thought Boyd was joking; Grace knew he was serious. He was less than happy about her break, but there wasn't anything he could do to stop. Grace also knew that her absence from the office would remind him of the time she had walked out, but there was nothing she could do about that. He'd just have to deal with it…and Grace would have to do something nice for the rest of the team when she got back, to make up for leaving them with Boyd.

But despite the Superintendent's warning, Grace was indeed in the building, taking life and limb in hand over a book. She was using the holiday time to catch up on some writing; she had several papers that were so overdue they were almost historical documents. Unfortunately, she had forgotten a very important book, and rather than ask one of the team to bring it round to her, Grace decided to venture into work.

And found the CCHQ empty, completely. Of course, there was always a chance that Eve was hiding in the lab, but the lack of coats and warm coffee told Grace everyone was probably at lunch, including the scientist.

Grace took a moment to look around at everything, one hand on her bag, the other on her hip. She felt like a parent who had come home early and unannounced from holiday, taking the kids by surprise and not giving them a chance to tidy up. There were empty and half-full coffee mugs strewn across the desks amidst stacks of files, loose sheets of paper covering any space left.

A quick peek into Boyd's office told Grace that it was the same, and she wondered what disaster had happened for the workplace to have become such a mess. She had no doubt it would be spick and span by the time she returned properly, but the mess it was in now shocked her.

Shaking her head, and curbing the impulse to tidy around, Grace headed into her office to locate the book she wanted. She had left the blinds down when she had left for her holiday, which greatly impaired her ability to notice the team returning. But her ears were on high alert and they didn't let her down. The sound of Eve and Stella laughing floated down the hall before Grace heard anything else.

Quickly, she shut the door and hid behind her desk, cursing silently as she noticed the blind facing the squad room was open by a couple of inches. Not that Stella and Spencer would notice a movement in her office; they were both lovely, but completely unobservant. Eve, on the other hand, was as slippery as a well oiled snake and Grace was sure she had eyesight that was so sharp it would cut even Superman.

As Grace listened to the team approaching, she frowned. Something wasn't quite right. There was a different sound accompanying the talking: heels. High-heeled shoes, quite possibly stilettos. But Grace could only identify the team's voices, and she suddenly felt an irrational surge of jealousy.

Boyd never took the team out for a fancy lunch when she was around. Especially not somewhere that required Stella and Eve to wear heels. Actually, Grace wondered how Boyd had managed to get those two into heels and probably a dress; all anger aside, that would be something worth seeing.

But still something was wrong. Eve and Stella's tones were very smug and Grace could hear a lot of gloating going on. Spencer and Boyd were unusually quiet, their responses coming in short grunts, which in itself wasn't unusual, but the lack of any other response was.

"Oh stop complaining," Eve told them as they entered the squad room. "A bet is a bet."

"And you lost," Stella added.

Grace could imagine the two men glaring. "Thanks for reminding us of that *yet again*," Spencer said sarcastically.

"You're welcome," Stella replied, the bright, far-too-innocent smile evident in her voice.

"This is all your fault, Spence," Boyd snapped.

"Mine? We're both to blame here!"

"Let me clarify again," Eve said in her best teacher's voice. "It was you, Spence, who said that women knew nothing about football. But it was Boyd who nailed the coffin."

Stella nodded. "I think we've proved beyond a doubt that we know more than you about football *and* rugby."

Now Grace was intrigued. Obviously there had been some sort of bet, the girls versus the guys, about football and rugby. And the guys had lost. Grace could just imagine the look on Spencer and Boyd's faces; in one way, she was glad she wasn't in the office, but on the other hand, she thought it was a shame she was away. Grace wouldn't have enjoyed putting up with both men acting like hippos with hernias, but she would have enjoyed teaming up with the girls to tease them mercilessly.

"I'm so glad Grace isn't here," Boyd moaned.

Two things caught Grace's attention; what Boyd had said and the clicking of heels. Deciding to be Brave, the profiler made her way to the window, chose a strategic spot, and carefully, oh so carefully, rose up enough to see into the squad room.

And she promptly dropped back out of sight, both hands clapped over her mouth, the laughter barely contained and threatening to expose her presence to the whole team. She could not have seen what she thought she had just seen; it was simply not possible.

"Yeah, you two promised," Spencer started, his tone uncertain. "No telling Grace."

"Don't worry, Spence," Eve reassured him. "You secret's safe with us."

To which Stella giggled.

"Bet or not, I can't believe you made us do this," Boyd grumbled.

"A bet is a bet, Boyd," Eve said very firmly. "If we'd lost, you'd have made us complete our part."

Spencer grinned. "That's different."

"Is not," Stella retorted.

"Alright!" Boyd snapped. "Look, nobody outside of this room knows about this. And if anybody happens to come in within the hour, you two…."

"We know, we know," Eve said hurriedly. "We'll be deader than dodos."

"A good image to die with, though," Stella added, which made Eve laugh. Which made Stella giggle.

Boyd rolled his eyes. "Oh God."

Taking a very deep breath, but through her fingers - Grace did not trust herself enough to move her hands - she rose up again, carefully again, and saw the same thing again. This time she just stared. She wanted to imprint the image on her brain forever; it would be stored away for an important time, like when Boyd needed blackmailing.

It was just priceless.

At least the conundrum with the heels had been solved.

Spencer stood near the boards, looking supremely uncomfortable in his…outfit. Grace had a feeling Stella had chosen it for him. He was wearing silver heels, a good two inches high, and they laced up around his calf.

Grace frowned. Spencer's legs looked…different. Not that she'd ever seen them before, but she expected them to be…well…hairy.

She sunk out of sight again as another bout of giggles threaten to erupt. It couldn't be, but it was the only explanation. Part of the bet had been to shave the legs. Or even better, Grace decided, wax.

Once again in control - mostly - Grace peeked out through the window just in time to see Spencer totter - there was no other word for it - to his desk. As he bent over to retrieve a file, Grace realised that the skimpy pair of white briefs/knickers he was wearing was actually a thong, and it had a bunny tail on the back as well.

Spencer's overly stuffed white fluffy bra sat well on his toned chest, and his six-pack was on display for all to see - Stella and Eve were drooling a little - but for Grace, it was the white fluffy bunny ears on his head that were the crowning glory.

Grace took several deep breaths to keep herself calm before, Bravely, moving her sight to Boyd.

When she dropped to the floor, giggles hardly muffled at all, Grace was certain the whole team was going to burst into her office at any moment, but all she heard was the sound of chatter, which must have masked the noise she had made.

But it was simply unavoidable.

Spencer was priceless to behold, but Boyd….

Grace would never never ever *ever* forget it, or let him forget it. She'd drop subtle hints at first, which would allow her to flirt even more outrageously with him than she already did, but when the time was right, Peter Boyd would understand that Grace had seen him.

Wearing *that.*

Suddenly, inspiration hit Grace like a speeding train and she dug into her bag, taking out her new mobile phone, complete - of course - with a camera.

It was a truly evil thing to do, but if the roles had been reversed, Grace knew she would have been shown no mercy.

Although she wasn't sure she would look as good in what Boyd was wearing as he did.

His heels were pink, a nice shade of bright magenta, although a shade smaller than Spencer's. But Boyd's shoe straps went all the way up, criss-crossing and climbing up a surprisingly slim and muscular leg, and looked alarmingly like tinsel while they were doing it.

When the tinsel straps reached the groin, they disappeared into a pink thong, which was, if possible, skimpier than Spencer's. Not that Grace minded; Boyd had always had a droolable arse, and it seemed as if Stella and Eve agreed.

He was then wearing a corset, which finished absurdly low on his chest and pushed his enormous fake bosom right out. Grace was surprised he could see where he was going.

Boyd's hands and forearms looked remarkably slim in a pair of sequined gloves, and his neck was adorned with a very long feather boa, which as well as sparkling outrageously screamed 'Eve' in every way.

And the finishing touch; a lavish, pink, sparkly, sequined face mask that made Elton John's glasses look normal.

Grace imagined that the compulsory hour in drag went by very slowly for Boyd and Spencer, but for her, it was the ultimate test of discipline; even after it was all over, she wasn't sure how she had managed not to laugh at all.

The second the hour was up, Stella and Eve accompanied the two men to the lab, presumably to stand guard while they changed in private, and Grace took the opportunity to sneak out of the building.

Before, she hadn't exactly been thrilled about returning to work.

Now she couldn't wait.

Grace patted her bag, which contained her precious cargo of mobile-phone-containing-perfect-bribery-photo.

No, she couldn't wait.

FIN


End file.
